Silence

Why does silence make people uncomfortable? Why is it bad to be uncomfortable?

Sitting in between the space of talking and not talking is observing. I have always seemed to embody the space between what is socially accepted as normal and what is socially accepted as awkward. I am used to it.

Why are so many people bothered by silence? Why do people feel uncomfortable when there is a pause in conversation? Why do people blame the person who is being quiet for making everyone else uncomfortable? Why don’t we value silence? How does silence work its way into the classroom and why do we not value quiet time?

These are just a few of the questions I ask myself as I sit in silence while enjoying my morning coffee while staring out the window. My roommates think it is weird or they don’t understand how I can sit so peacefully in silence and be perfectly content just staring off into space. I have been ridiculed my whole life whether it be by parents, other family members, friends, classmates, teachers, coworkers, you name it!

For me, silence is freeing. I enjoy sitting in silence staring off into space. I am happy to be the person who sits back and observes what other people are saying rather than being involved. I find it more humbling to sit across from someone and listen deeply to what they are saying. Listening is part of conversation and listening means to be quiet and deeply engage and think about what the other person is saying. You are able to learn so much about other people and their experiences, viewpoints and values through conversation.

People don’t like to sit in silence, they don’t enjoy anything that makes them feel uncomfortable. When in reality, if you were to critically analyze this response to this behavior, it is based upon the idea that anything someone else is doing that feels out of place within the fake societal norms (colonial and capitalistic white societal norms to be more specific) we have come come to accept as true.

It’s all about calling someone out as doing something that someone else views as wrong or weird. When in reality, we should be inquiring about other people and the ways in which they live their lives that make them feel whole and complete. Just because one person you know finds peace in sitting in silence and staring out the window or prefers not to draw attention to themselves in a conversation, does not mean that they are the only ones. There are a bunch of other people living their lives in the same way that find value in the simplicities of life.

Our society is built around the idea that we all must conform to the same ways of living, doing, acting and thinking in order to exist harmoniously. This is causing us to live in fear of “the other” or the person who does not wish to conform subconsciously to the unspoken rules we live and breathe. Why do we do this? Why are we so afraid of diversity?* Why are we so afraid of people being themselves and expressing their whole self in ways that are different from how we express our whole self?

In order to further this conversation of silence we must look in all the spaces in which silence is not valued. In the classroom for instance, silence is thought of as a completely horrible space to be in AND as the most highly desired behavior.* Why do we stunt children’s growth by asking them to be completely silent? Educators desire children to sit still and behave to our perceived standards of compliance. We also desire children to speak their mind. Don’t be so quiet all the time. Speak up!

*I have written a separate blog explaining how we define diversity within our society and the positive and negative ways it impacts our thinking. Diversity is truly a wonderful phenomenon and it is necessary in order to live the life that we are currently living.

**I have also written a separate blog about silence in the classroom but I will leave you with these questions that are integrated into my previous questions on the concept of silence as a whole.